he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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