The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This is not my ceiling
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
