I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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