It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My balls are so social today.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
