just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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