Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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