Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
