Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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