it wasn't lemon gatorade
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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