paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
