1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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