Please, let me fuck your mom
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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