So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
