SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
