I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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