I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
