I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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