Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize