College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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