Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
