What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
