dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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