ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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