What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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