So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My feet surprised me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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