And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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