there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Are my feet made of real feet?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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