only if we run a train.
done.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so let's talk penis.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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