No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
