I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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