I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
