Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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