you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
