He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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