how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
