I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
