um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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