think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
