every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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