The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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