What did we do last night that was yellow?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
