Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
