I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
