roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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