omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
