Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I deserve this hangover.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
