we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize