Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize