Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
