Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
