This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
