I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
