my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
