Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need a hoe opinion
go on
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
