is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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