non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
