Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize