What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
