Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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