If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
