took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
