i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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