just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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