haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
