i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
