Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
