Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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