who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
