went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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