the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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