After last night, I could never be a politician.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
