I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
