Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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