I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
