WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
