I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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