no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
