The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
