She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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