Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
