Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
