Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
