remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
