I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize