Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
