Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
