i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize