if only i could text you this smell
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
