i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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