did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
