Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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