Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
