I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
