His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
