just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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