mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
