Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
this is an emotional support booty call
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
