She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
