I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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