dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
