Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
